From the whomb
I find it very hard
to believe that it’s been twenty-nine years since the day I was born; it feels
like with everything I have been through and accomplished in life I should be
so much older. 6 Schools. 13 different places I found myself living. 39
Hospitalizations. 2 marriages. WOW! Just reread that and felt overwhelmed. I guess it’s why certain people over the years
have said I have an ‘old soul’, because most people haven’t gone through in
their entire lifetime what I have had to endure in my short twenty-nine years,
especially with regards to my battle with Cystic Fibrosis.
I called my mother
last night to get some details of the night I was born. I also can’t believe
that it was the first time we were having the conversation. I know almost every
detail about my being diagnosed with CF at three months, but knew almost
nothing other than the time of when I was born. I guess this in a way is symbolic
of how much the disease has captured my attention and the attention of those
around me who watched me grow up. My Mom said it was a rough Christmas that
year because she was uncomfortable from being 9 months pregnant. She was so
excited though as with her first child, my big sister, Kayla. She recalls
having a very good pregnancy, with no issues whatsoever.
December 30th,
1986. I googled what the weather was like that day because Mom didn’t remember.
It was -4c, cloudy and very high winds. My mother, Charmaine was admitted to
St. Claire’s Hospital after her water broke early that morning. With very
little happening, Dr. Sevier’s intern decided to start her on the drip to try
and get things moving along, and soon after decided to have an epidural. It was
soon time for her to push, but things took a scary turn and Mom remembers very
little after that. My heart rate was dropping rapidly, and it was determined
that the cord was wrapped around my neck, cutting off oxygen supply to my
brain. Things happened pretty fast after that Mom said, as they literally
reached in and pulled me out, unwrapping the cord along the way.
At 19:33, weighing
8lbs 9oz, Jamie Lee Francis Chafe was born into the world.
Mom said it took
about half an hour for me to transition from a blueberry to a bright, peach colored
baby because of the issue of being corded. She was very scared but once she
held me in her arms, saw that I was ok, she says that it was the ‘greatest
relief’. Not knowing she was expecting a boy, she was excited to now have a
girl and a boy. And a mommy’s boy she got!! Little did she know at that time
that there would be more of those uneasy moments throughout the life of her
precious baby boy. I guess maybe a little foreshadowing? So that’s that! How I
came into the world.
Approaching thirty
I discussed in the
blog prior to this one how difficult my 28th year was, so it’s been
really difficult for me to look forward to turning 29 with anticipation. With
that said, nothing pisses me off more than hearing people complaining and
literally dreading turning another year older. Growing old is a privilege
denied to many people. So yea, I have had a very shitty year, but to be honest
I am still in shock I made it through and I am blessed to see another birthday.
It’s funny cause I
remember being a young boy, 8-9 years old when I learned the reality of the
disease I suffer from, and at that time of course the average life expectancy
was nowhere near what it is now, and I remember thinking, “If I live to be
thirty, I will be ok with that!” Kids at that time were lucky to start
kindergarten, so I was already beating the odds, and it appears I am still
doing so. When I was sick back in 2012 I was so convinced that that was it for
me, that was the end and here I am, almost 4 years later and still kicking.
As I grow older
though, so do my fellow friends and fellow war mates. Having friends with
Cystic Fibrosis was really rough this year. I lost a total of 14 friends, Megs
and Cory taking the greatest tole on me because they had such a direct impact
on my life and who I am. I guess words are words, and no one will ever grasp
how much I mean it when I say that I continue my own war with this disease in
their honor. I fight with it every day not only for myself, but for them. Because
even though fighting everyday with this demon is a challenge and can be very
exhausting and I would just rather not have to deal with it sometimes, I STILL
get to deal with it. In my own dark moments, I complain to myself about how shitty
life is, and their defeat reminds me of what’s important. And that is that I am still
breathing. For them. For me.
I’m pretty sure this
time next year I will be having my mid-life crisis. I think the reality that I will
have made it to see 3-0 will just be a very overwhelming experience for me. I
am already working on big plans to celebrate, (please God I am still here) with
my family and friends in Las Vagas. I’m really hoping that the people who mean a
lot to me will be able to make the journey to help me celebrate the milestone
and nothing short of a miracle.
The year ahead
But first I have to
get through twenty-nine. My biggest goal for the coming year, and I guess goes
along with a new year’s resolution is just to get back to ME. I spent 171 days in
the hospital this past year so I feel like I have lost a little bit of myself
during that time, and I want it back. I want to get back into reading as much
as I did because I find it really good for my soul and meditation. I haven’t been
to the gym or walking since I can remember, so I really want to get back into
that. I am giving up soda. (Some reading this who really know me are laughing),
but I am serious. I hate how it makes me feel and I’ve seen what it can do to
rust on a car, ok, so I really don’t need that shit in my body.
Since I can remember I
have wanted to write a memoir. And thanks to my Aunt Heather who has already
written one for sending me some tools to do so, I plan to do that in 2016.
Since I can remember I have wanted to write my story on paper because I truly
believe that it will be inspiring to others. To overcome what I have in my
lifetime hasn’t been easy but it has shown that we can get through a lot more
than what we think we can, and we can rise above spiritually the hardships that
befall us in life to make up better people.
My health has to become priority again, which
means I have to find a better balance between work, pleasure and personal life.
After all, I am no good to no one if I am in a hospital bed. And I do know that emotional and spiritual
health have a direct correlation to physical health and well-being so if I get
back to doing my self-care then I think that will give my body the boost it needs
to get me on the right track to Vegas!
A heartfelt Thank-You
There are no words to
express the gratitude towards the people; family, friends, acquaintances I see
at the grocery store who ask about my health, people reading this blog – How does
one manage to find the words to say Thank-You for the love and support I have
and still receive on a regular basis? It’s like the words don’t exist in the English
language to express my gratitude to have you all along for the ride. I feel
like I have a bunch of warriors standing at my side so that when I can’t perform
at my potential, you guys pick up the slack and make life worth living. So if
thank-you is what can be said, though I feel it’s not enough…..Thank You. From the bottom of my heart.
Please raise a glass
with me to 29, and 2016!!!!
Peace
and love,
Jamie