Today while driving I had another one of my epiphanies. I was thinking of how I know so many people with CF and others who have illnesses or diseases and we tend to value life more than people who don’t know they are ‘dying’. It’s not even that we value it more, it’s that we are not given a choice of when our time will end, granted none of us are. But in a realistic, play as you go type of world, we know that we do not have a ‘normal’ timeframe.
If only we could all live life achieving a quality of life, over a quantity. There is so much out there in now in magazines and on T.V. about how this will make you stay young forever, and that will help you be healthy and fit until your 100. However there isn’t much about how you should live your life. We focus so much on the amount of years we live that we lose sight of how important it is to fill the years we have with what truly matters most.
The reality is that any one of us could die from a random cause at any moment. Here in Newfoundland a lot of young people have been dying lately from accidents and unfortunate events. And I bet neither one of them ever thought that it would have happened. For me, I know I have CF and that realistically I do not expect to live into my 80’s or 90’s, but should I not focus more on what I do in the years I do have and will have, rather than on the actual goal of getting to those milestone ages? When people die they often say at their funeral what kind of person they were, and how they lived their life and what happened in the years that did have. They don’t give a speech about what they could have done if………
This is why I’ve decided I want to change my mindset. I am no longer concerned that I may not live as long as the next person, what I am more concerned about is the amount of living I do while I am alive. We are given one life to live and we only go this way once. So I thought, why waste time worrying about the fact that I have an illness, something in which I have no control over, rather focus on the blessings that this has given me. I love the fact that I am able to show compassion. A little while ago, back in the spring there was a man in a wheelchair wheeling himself up the steep hill in which my Mom’s house rested at the top of. It was raining and cold outside and I passed by in the car and was so tormented by the fact that he had this challenge ahead of him and had no one by his side that I pulled the car over, got out in the rain and wheeled the man up the hill to his home. The man was so taken back by the act that he honestly did not know how to say thank you, other than to tell me that my small act of kindness would not soon be forgotten. I’m not telling you all this to boast or brag about what I did, I am telling you because I am grateful that I have this compassion. Having an illness has given me a heightened sense of this human quality and I am so thank-full for it. I at times have to reach out to others and expect them to show that same kindness to me. And I know how rejection feels so I am fully aware and was able to put myself in that man’s shoes.
When they read my obituary, I want them to talk about how I was able to empathize and show compassion for others. I want to have been known for someone who truly lived with no regrets and lived everyday as if it was his last. I want to be known as an honest person, who shared his heart and his home with others, someone who made time to show genuine acts of kindness to those in need. I want to be remembered as a good person. What I am concerned I will be remembered as, is a sick person. I mean, how lame is that! Yes I have Cystic Fibrosis, but that is just a small fraction of who I am. Yes, it’s the very reason I started to blog and am sharing some intimate details of my life with all of you. But, it still is something that I don’t want to be known for. Instead I want to be known as someone who overcame illness and lived life with a great outlook on life.
One of my all-time favorite songs is by Miley Cyrus, “The Climb”.
“There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
There’s always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb”
I love the message behind this song and I want to be known for someone who lived his life through that song. Because to me this song is what life is all about. That striving for a goal to ‘live forever’, yet missing the ride along the way. Money is not important to me. A lot of people depend on money and material belongings to help them be identified in society. Sadly most of those people will not know what it is like to truly live. Those people are the ones that will not know what to do with themselves when tragedy knocks on their door because they thought they ‘had it all’. Guess what. Money does not buy life, and no one takes it with them when they go. I am proud to be known as someone with little means and someone who can be happy and content with only life’s simple necessities. Sure, everyone likes nice things, but they are after all only things.
Cystic Fibrosis has robbed me of so much in my life that I cannot afford to let it rob me of the precious joys that I can still have in my life. And as I have stated here in this blog, I have had a very troubled childhood and a few difficult years recently, but the key ingredient is how we chose to overcome our troubles, with triumphs, and how we make the most out of bad situations. Again it’s about attitudes and how we chose to train our mind. The ‘saying YES to life’ approach I have applied in this past year of living has truly given me the best year of my life, even though this past year a lot of crappy stuff has happened. And it’s all because I have made the conscience effort to not allow my mind to go under the positive line that I have drawn in my mind. And anyone who tried to draw me there I quickly squish like a cockroach, not allowing any negative seeds to be planted in my mind.
No fear, that’s how I want to be remembered. No fear to love the way I seen fit. Perry has added the most amazing fuel to my life and I cannot imagine a world where he does not exist. And I want to be known for someone who was willing to grab life by the balls and have the courage to live an authentic life. He truly was my missing puzzle piece and has now made me feel complete.
So the next time it comes to mind or in conversation about a good age to live till, just ask yourself how much living have I really done with the time I have had? Because the answer may surprise you. And if it does then make the changes you need to make to live life with no regrets. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it; there are footprints on the moon, anything’s possible. NO DAY BUT TODAY!
“A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” ~ Charles Darwin
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
