Bullied 2 Brave
A thirteen year old boy comes home from school one day. He is so tired of being bullied at school that he gets on his computer and Google’s “How to commit suicide”. He is afraid to tell his mom because she has a lot going on right now, and he feels like he has no one to talk to. He wonders why people at school have to be so mean to him and why they just can’t leave him alone. He doesn’t commit suicide, but thinks about it often until graduation day.
That boy was me.
At that age, it was the first time I ever even thought of the concept of killing myself. Not only did I contend with an alcoholic abusive father until I was 12, but now I had kids at school adding to the mess. The pretty girl who got all the boys…..the jocks who got all the girls…..and then the just plain mean ones who thought they were better than everyone else. These are the people that robbed me of my school years. What should be somewhat enjoyable for kids, turned out to be a living hell for me every day. I never understood and still don’t, why they had to be so cruel. I imagine it was because they got some kind of sick thrill out of bullying other people, and maybe felt ashamed about themselves so they took it out on others. I was fortunate though to find a group of girls in my high school days that took some of that pain away, and provided a safe place for me to belong. I will be forever grateful to those women who I still to this day call my friends.
It was one of the biggest reasons why I feared coming out as a gay man. I would have flashbacks to my childhood and the abuse I had to live with for so long. I never wanted that again, who would? But I knew that there would be brighter days ahead, just as when I left the school system and that I would somehow rise against the hatred in people’s hearts. But I did it. I came out. And it has been harder than I ever imagined it would be. The impolite stares from people, the hate messages you receive from religious folk who tell me I am going to rot in hell for my unnatural life style. And family members who seem to have less time for me now that I have embraced my true self. It’s been a struggle not to let all this break me down, but though times have been hard, I have never felt so free. And I refuse to let the ignorance of others conform me to a lifestyle that they would chose I live. I just try to live my life the best way I know how, and be real about it.
I always said when I was younger I was going to do greater things and rise above the insults and the abuse I relentlessly accepted by others. As Ellen DeGeneres says; “My haters are my motivators”. And she is right! The hateful people I have had and still have give me the fuel I need to keep going and be a better person.
It has been my CF as well that has given me grief over the years in regards to being bullied. Because people didn’t want to take the time to understand why I was sick, they picked on me instead. I was always labeled as ‘the sick boy’ and never really fit in because I took medication at recess and lunch. And because I had to take puffers during class and would often need to just get out of class to get some fresh air. If your not ‘perfect’ like everyone else in the world, then you are labeled as being different and often the subject of conversation like you were on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
I’ve always lived my life by the principle my mother teaching me, to ‘do on to others as you would have done to yourself’. And I never retaliated either, partly because though I was in grade 9 I looked like someone who should have been in grade 6. It was hard though, not to get up and smack those mean people upside the head and beg them to leave me alone. Even today when someone upsets me or does something that resembles how I was treated I get short tempered and often lash out rather than not say anything at all. Bullies I have learned only continue when they know its bothering you, therefore if you don’t let it bother you they lose their power to hurt. It such a struggle though, to not retaliate. It’s one of the things I am working on most these days. Because the people who matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter. Agree?
So what have I done about it. Well I have made peace with some high school bullies and let them know how they made me feel, and to my surprise all have apologized and have felt great remorse over the way they acted and treated people. It has kind of mended the wounds a little and brought closure to that part of my life. Today, I have refused to let anyone who doesn’t accept me for me into my life, that way I am keeping clear of the poison that they release into my life. I reach out to young ones who I know are bullied and try and lend a helping hand as I wish someone did for me when I was going through that painful time in my life. I try and educate people about CF and how though we are ill, we are still normal and do not deserve to be picked on because of something we have no control over. And lastly I promote gay right, as I do not think any religion, sect or denomination has the right to frown upon how someone else is choosing to live their life. Being gay is not a choice. After all who would choose to be abused, and hated so much in this world all because of your sexual orientation which in the end is nobody’s business but your own. I stand up for myself whenever I feel hatred now. Just last weekend Perry and I were visiting his brother and their family in the park, and upon entering the park there was a young brat on the side of the road who said “Hey Faggot!” Well, I slammed on the brakes, put the car in reverse and gave that child a good fright. I hope he thinks twice the next time he decides to disrespect someone like that again.
I always try and look at the good through all the bad as well, and I believe that being bullied has made me a more compassionate person. I often feel sad for people who have no one to talk to about this major issue that we have in our society. There is Kids Help Phone which I called more than once let me tell you, but it’s not the same as having a real human being to talk to and discuss what is weighing so heavily on your mind and heart.
So there you have it. I’m a free spirit now and I do not accept unacceptable behavior any longer. I am proud of who I am. I am thankful for those who have continued by my side and enrich my life with beauty and grace. Choosing to decide how we react to people’s negativity is a great gift that God has given us. And while I await a world where bullying does not exist, I am going to move forward and help as many as I can in their fight to be who they were born to be.
"I've been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don't have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms."
~Lady Gaga
A thirteen year old boy comes home from school one day. He is so tired of being bullied at school that he gets on his computer and Google’s “How to commit suicide”. He is afraid to tell his mom because she has a lot going on right now, and he feels like he has no one to talk to. He wonders why people at school have to be so mean to him and why they just can’t leave him alone. He doesn’t commit suicide, but thinks about it often until graduation day.
That boy was me.
At that age, it was the first time I ever even thought of the concept of killing myself. Not only did I contend with an alcoholic abusive father until I was 12, but now I had kids at school adding to the mess. The pretty girl who got all the boys…..the jocks who got all the girls…..and then the just plain mean ones who thought they were better than everyone else. These are the people that robbed me of my school years. What should be somewhat enjoyable for kids, turned out to be a living hell for me every day. I never understood and still don’t, why they had to be so cruel. I imagine it was because they got some kind of sick thrill out of bullying other people, and maybe felt ashamed about themselves so they took it out on others. I was fortunate though to find a group of girls in my high school days that took some of that pain away, and provided a safe place for me to belong. I will be forever grateful to those women who I still to this day call my friends.
It was one of the biggest reasons why I feared coming out as a gay man. I would have flashbacks to my childhood and the abuse I had to live with for so long. I never wanted that again, who would? But I knew that there would be brighter days ahead, just as when I left the school system and that I would somehow rise against the hatred in people’s hearts. But I did it. I came out. And it has been harder than I ever imagined it would be. The impolite stares from people, the hate messages you receive from religious folk who tell me I am going to rot in hell for my unnatural life style. And family members who seem to have less time for me now that I have embraced my true self. It’s been a struggle not to let all this break me down, but though times have been hard, I have never felt so free. And I refuse to let the ignorance of others conform me to a lifestyle that they would chose I live. I just try to live my life the best way I know how, and be real about it.
I always said when I was younger I was going to do greater things and rise above the insults and the abuse I relentlessly accepted by others. As Ellen DeGeneres says; “My haters are my motivators”. And she is right! The hateful people I have had and still have give me the fuel I need to keep going and be a better person.
It has been my CF as well that has given me grief over the years in regards to being bullied. Because people didn’t want to take the time to understand why I was sick, they picked on me instead. I was always labeled as ‘the sick boy’ and never really fit in because I took medication at recess and lunch. And because I had to take puffers during class and would often need to just get out of class to get some fresh air. If your not ‘perfect’ like everyone else in the world, then you are labeled as being different and often the subject of conversation like you were on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
I’ve always lived my life by the principle my mother teaching me, to ‘do on to others as you would have done to yourself’. And I never retaliated either, partly because though I was in grade 9 I looked like someone who should have been in grade 6. It was hard though, not to get up and smack those mean people upside the head and beg them to leave me alone. Even today when someone upsets me or does something that resembles how I was treated I get short tempered and often lash out rather than not say anything at all. Bullies I have learned only continue when they know its bothering you, therefore if you don’t let it bother you they lose their power to hurt. It such a struggle though, to not retaliate. It’s one of the things I am working on most these days. Because the people who matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter. Agree?
So what have I done about it. Well I have made peace with some high school bullies and let them know how they made me feel, and to my surprise all have apologized and have felt great remorse over the way they acted and treated people. It has kind of mended the wounds a little and brought closure to that part of my life. Today, I have refused to let anyone who doesn’t accept me for me into my life, that way I am keeping clear of the poison that they release into my life. I reach out to young ones who I know are bullied and try and lend a helping hand as I wish someone did for me when I was going through that painful time in my life. I try and educate people about CF and how though we are ill, we are still normal and do not deserve to be picked on because of something we have no control over. And lastly I promote gay right, as I do not think any religion, sect or denomination has the right to frown upon how someone else is choosing to live their life. Being gay is not a choice. After all who would choose to be abused, and hated so much in this world all because of your sexual orientation which in the end is nobody’s business but your own. I stand up for myself whenever I feel hatred now. Just last weekend Perry and I were visiting his brother and their family in the park, and upon entering the park there was a young brat on the side of the road who said “Hey Faggot!” Well, I slammed on the brakes, put the car in reverse and gave that child a good fright. I hope he thinks twice the next time he decides to disrespect someone like that again.
I always try and look at the good through all the bad as well, and I believe that being bullied has made me a more compassionate person. I often feel sad for people who have no one to talk to about this major issue that we have in our society. There is Kids Help Phone which I called more than once let me tell you, but it’s not the same as having a real human being to talk to and discuss what is weighing so heavily on your mind and heart.
So there you have it. I’m a free spirit now and I do not accept unacceptable behavior any longer. I am proud of who I am. I am thankful for those who have continued by my side and enrich my life with beauty and grace. Choosing to decide how we react to people’s negativity is a great gift that God has given us. And while I await a world where bullying does not exist, I am going to move forward and help as many as I can in their fight to be who they were born to be.
"I've been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don't have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms."
~Lady Gaga
Peace and Love,
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
