HIGH expectations; BIG disappointments
When you live with a terminal illness such as Cystic Fibrosis, from a young age you develop this mind set of how life is supposed to go. How people are supposed to treat you and how they should be expected to show a measure of compassion, because after all, you are a sick person. You expect because you are ill, people would be careful as to not hurt you, or cause you any more anxiety because of what you are already facing in your troubled life. Turns out, none of it really matters.
Just because I am sick, does not give me the right to expect people to treat me a certain way. With that said, I have been the beneficiary of some extreme compassion and love shown to me by people all across this nation and abroad. But I am finding it very difficult what a “friend” behaves in a way that I feel he or she should not behave, because I expect better. We so quickly forget that they too have limitations and that they have things going on in their lives that I may know nothing about, or things that are causing them to be limited in the way they can express fellow feeling to others.
When this whole transplant thing started over 8 months ago now, I never thought I would lose friends, or even family for that matter because of the ins and outs of dealing with this kind of traumatic thing I will have to face in the near future. I just expected that everyone would be there, come hell or high water – they would be there. But that is not the case today. There are certain people in both of our lives that we never thought we would lose during going through such an experience as this. But the only reason why we were surprised is because we expected them to be here through everything. Had we not set that expectation in our head, we would not feel so sad about it. Many people are capable of different things; a lot of people can’t handle to emotions involved with something like this.
It’s also important to note that we cannot have expectations of others until we analyze what other people expect of us. That would be hypocritical. Often times, especially lately, I’m finding it better to just not have any expectations of anyone, that way I don’t end up sad and upset. At one of the latest fundraisers I had, someone asked me if I was disappointed with the turn out, I said ‘no’. Because I never had any expectation walking in there, therefore whoever came I appreciated and those who didn’t I tried to tell myself that they must not have been able to attend and that was that. If I expected 250 people, and 50 people showed up, can you imagine how disappointed I would have been, therefore NO expectations means NO disappointments.
Not having high expectations in life also leads to a contentment that cannot be expressed with words. It gives you a confidence in knowing that those who are in your life are meant to be there and those who are no longer present, really weren’t meant to leave a mark on your life. It allows you to expand on the relationships you have knowing that they are genuine and that the other party has your best interests at heart. This day and age people use to term ‘best friend’ way to loosely. They say “OMG, she’s like my BEST FRIEND” and then 5 minutes later that same person will say the same thing about someone else! Isn’t that putting a lot of expectations on an awful lot of people? What is a best friend? It is someone who understands you as you are, accepts your limitations and flaws but still loves you anyway. I’m sure not every person in your life is THAT person.
It’s also important not to place too many expectations on ourselves. I always expect myself to be so strong, like a superhero to others. Not let them know that at times I cry myself to sleep because I am so scared of what’s about to unfold. How I scream out the lyrics to really sad songs to help me deal with the downfalls in life. How I literally have to tell my mind to stay awake when I am in the middle of a coughing fit because I don’t want to pass out or have to sit down in front of others because maybe then they would see just how fragile I really am. I have CF, and sometimes I forget that. I think I need to be superman all the time and not have moments of weakness to remind me of reality. And it’s tiresome sometimes to always be so strong. People tell me all the time that they would never have guessed that I have CF just by looking at me. The reality is that we as human beings are only capable of so much even if we don’t have a terminal illness. And it’s very important that we realize that, or else we will burn ourselves out and be useless not only to others but even ourselves.
The part that I hate is that I EXPECT Perry to know what’s on my mind at all times, and I often close down in front of him because I don’t want him to be burdened any more than he already has. He has entered my life and has fixed so many things and has healed me in ways that no doctor ever could. But yet, I sometimes forget that he is only human too. And to take on someone who has a health condition such as mine if something to be awarded in itself, yet he seeks no honor for his role. He is just happy to be able to be here for me and has promised to be by my side through all of this come hell or high water. But even he has limitations and sometimes I forget that I may be exhausting him with everything going on in my life and in my mind and the needs of my body when it comes to him helping me with my therapies. Communication is so important in a relationship and I am so grateful to have that with him. He not only hears me but he listens and I try to do the same. We have little tiffs here and there but never have we had a heated argument. And the reason why things are going so well is because I have no expectations of him. He has graciously and willingly entered my life and has vowed form day one to not go anyway and stay with me, even if that means holding me in his arms as I take my last breath.
He is my hero.
When you live with a terminal illness such as Cystic Fibrosis, from a young age you develop this mind set of how life is supposed to go. How people are supposed to treat you and how they should be expected to show a measure of compassion, because after all, you are a sick person. You expect because you are ill, people would be careful as to not hurt you, or cause you any more anxiety because of what you are already facing in your troubled life. Turns out, none of it really matters.
Just because I am sick, does not give me the right to expect people to treat me a certain way. With that said, I have been the beneficiary of some extreme compassion and love shown to me by people all across this nation and abroad. But I am finding it very difficult what a “friend” behaves in a way that I feel he or she should not behave, because I expect better. We so quickly forget that they too have limitations and that they have things going on in their lives that I may know nothing about, or things that are causing them to be limited in the way they can express fellow feeling to others.
When this whole transplant thing started over 8 months ago now, I never thought I would lose friends, or even family for that matter because of the ins and outs of dealing with this kind of traumatic thing I will have to face in the near future. I just expected that everyone would be there, come hell or high water – they would be there. But that is not the case today. There are certain people in both of our lives that we never thought we would lose during going through such an experience as this. But the only reason why we were surprised is because we expected them to be here through everything. Had we not set that expectation in our head, we would not feel so sad about it. Many people are capable of different things; a lot of people can’t handle to emotions involved with something like this.
It’s also important to note that we cannot have expectations of others until we analyze what other people expect of us. That would be hypocritical. Often times, especially lately, I’m finding it better to just not have any expectations of anyone, that way I don’t end up sad and upset. At one of the latest fundraisers I had, someone asked me if I was disappointed with the turn out, I said ‘no’. Because I never had any expectation walking in there, therefore whoever came I appreciated and those who didn’t I tried to tell myself that they must not have been able to attend and that was that. If I expected 250 people, and 50 people showed up, can you imagine how disappointed I would have been, therefore NO expectations means NO disappointments.
Not having high expectations in life also leads to a contentment that cannot be expressed with words. It gives you a confidence in knowing that those who are in your life are meant to be there and those who are no longer present, really weren’t meant to leave a mark on your life. It allows you to expand on the relationships you have knowing that they are genuine and that the other party has your best interests at heart. This day and age people use to term ‘best friend’ way to loosely. They say “OMG, she’s like my BEST FRIEND” and then 5 minutes later that same person will say the same thing about someone else! Isn’t that putting a lot of expectations on an awful lot of people? What is a best friend? It is someone who understands you as you are, accepts your limitations and flaws but still loves you anyway. I’m sure not every person in your life is THAT person.
It’s also important not to place too many expectations on ourselves. I always expect myself to be so strong, like a superhero to others. Not let them know that at times I cry myself to sleep because I am so scared of what’s about to unfold. How I scream out the lyrics to really sad songs to help me deal with the downfalls in life. How I literally have to tell my mind to stay awake when I am in the middle of a coughing fit because I don’t want to pass out or have to sit down in front of others because maybe then they would see just how fragile I really am. I have CF, and sometimes I forget that. I think I need to be superman all the time and not have moments of weakness to remind me of reality. And it’s tiresome sometimes to always be so strong. People tell me all the time that they would never have guessed that I have CF just by looking at me. The reality is that we as human beings are only capable of so much even if we don’t have a terminal illness. And it’s very important that we realize that, or else we will burn ourselves out and be useless not only to others but even ourselves.
The part that I hate is that I EXPECT Perry to know what’s on my mind at all times, and I often close down in front of him because I don’t want him to be burdened any more than he already has. He has entered my life and has fixed so many things and has healed me in ways that no doctor ever could. But yet, I sometimes forget that he is only human too. And to take on someone who has a health condition such as mine if something to be awarded in itself, yet he seeks no honor for his role. He is just happy to be able to be here for me and has promised to be by my side through all of this come hell or high water. But even he has limitations and sometimes I forget that I may be exhausting him with everything going on in my life and in my mind and the needs of my body when it comes to him helping me with my therapies. Communication is so important in a relationship and I am so grateful to have that with him. He not only hears me but he listens and I try to do the same. We have little tiffs here and there but never have we had a heated argument. And the reason why things are going so well is because I have no expectations of him. He has graciously and willingly entered my life and has vowed form day one to not go anyway and stay with me, even if that means holding me in his arms as I take my last breath.
He is my hero.
This life is such a beautiful journey, is it not? And
we are all learning. I hope that this made sense to you….. it has helped me a
lot!
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed”
~ Alexander Pope
Peace and Love,
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed”
~ Alexander Pope
Peace and Love,
Jamie Leigh Francis
xo
