Don’t judge a book by its cover
The one thing I hate the most about having the disease I have is that, looking at me, you would never know I had anything wrong with me and that makes it very difficult trying to get people to understand what you are going through.
My lungs are literally filling up as we speak with thick mucus. My lungs are working 10 times harder to operate than a normal human being. My stomach is trying to digest my supper with great difficulty, because our bodies lack the natural enzymes that break down our food and distribute it to the proper places in our bodies. As my lungs continue to fail, my other organs are going to be working extra hard as well because my body will need so much of its energy just to operate my lungs.
I find it so ironic that I was recognized and picked on more in my life for being “gay” than for having Cystic Fibrosis. Growing up, I guess it was obvious to many of my family members I was different; they were not surprised at all when I came out. In fact, many of them ‘it’s about time!’ But yet, many of them today, if you asked them to describe what kind of disease I have or how it affects me they wouldn’t have a clue how to talk about it. It doesn’t hurt me, I just find it strange how we as human beings have a tendency to judge what we can see, and pay little or no regard to what we cannot see. How quickly do we judge others just on their outward appearance? I’m guilty of it. I think we all are. But I’m trying to be more understanding of people and be more patient with them.
I would like to share the following story with you to give an illustration;
Recently I got reacquainted with my great aunt, Ruth. She added me to Facebook, and I immediately noticed she had a strong love of Jesus Christ. Everything on her Facebook was about Jesus. She loves Jesus and credits him for a lot of her strength and courage in life. I have to admit that at first, it was extremely annoying. I was getting very agitated because she would even comment on my statuses that I needed to put more faith in and rely on Jesus more. I got tired of it very quickly and sent her the following message that I now regret sending;
Dear GreatAunt Ruth,
I really appreciate your messages telling me to hang in there and that I need to put more faith in Jesus.
I spent 7 years of my life, extreamly devoted to God, and do you know where it got me? NO WHERE!!
Since I left the church, I have been drawn closer to God, a God I KNOW to be true and one that I want to believe in and not be FORCED to believe in by some organized religion. I have read the bible from front to back several times and I believe in a God, trust me.
But I do not believe that praying to him can solve all of my problems....
You can say that I have no faith or whatever you want....but you would be wrong....
I have just learned the hard way, by almost loosing my life several times, that God deals with humans differently than he used to and I respect your belief's.
Just please don;t put stuff on my status's that would indicate that I dont have faith, or I need more faith, cause you do not know what I have been through.....
Love always,
Jamie
What did I do? I judged this woman and insulted her because she believed in something that I did not. Is that right? I don’t think so. Well, it wasn’t long after it was sent that my soft heart got the best of me and I had to reach out to this woman that I barely know, and get to know her.
I found out that she lost her daughter at the precious age of 9 years old. No doubt that was hard and some kind of faith is better than none, so I should hope that her faith helped her get through that difficult time. She later had another baby girl who was much like the child she lost and Michelle reminds her every day of precious 9 year old, Denise. She now is struggling to keep her adult son alive as he has diabetes and is having a hard time and is in need of a liver transplant. When I spoke with her, she told me she does not go to church, but she does have a strong faith in Jesus and that he has helped her get through many dark days in her life.
So, I judged this woman over something I saw on Facebook. I thought she was a church going freak who was going to try to convert me to her ways. She was doing NOTHING to hurt me or insult me, it was a judgment that I wrongly made.
Well, Music helps me get through my days, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about that. It is my escape and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to judge me for something so silly that really has nothing to do with them. I’m happy to say that I asked my aunt to forgive me, and we now talk several times a week. I smile now when I see her posts about Jesus because I know that’s what helps her get by, just like music helps me.
I wish my CF would present more obvious signs that I have a deadly disease. Because sometimes it gets frustrating when people do not show understanding towards me because I appear to be normal. Meanwhile, I’m dying on the inside. Literally! But I cannot expect people to show understanding to me without knowing all the facts, if I cannot also do the same. A strong lesson I have learned recently.
The nest time someone is rude to me, doesn’t hold the door when I really need them to or does not treat me the way I expect to be treated, I’m going to try and show some compassion. I don’t know what struggles they are having in their life, or what they may be going through. Who knows? Maybe they have Cystic Fibrosis……
“A love for humanity came over me, and watered and fertilised the fields of my inner world which had been lying fallow, and this love of humanity vented itself in a vast compassion.” ~George Brandes
xo
Jamie Leigh Fransis
