As I reflect and look back on where I am today, I see that it is only by having love in my life that I was able to withstand the blows of bad things that have happened to me in my life.
As a child you never want to admit to yourself let alone else that your family isn’t what you would call perfect. But I knew mine was far more dysfunctional than anyone else I knew. Arguing and fighting was second nature in our home and often resulted in me taking the brunt of it from my father. But even after the most brutal attacks, my mother was always there, ready to wrap her arms around me and make me feel safe once again.
Love as an action has the ability to perform the most amazing things. It sparks emotions in human to do the most generous things; taking a trip to Africa to build houses and schools for the poor, abandon a vehicle to jump in a river and help a dog, even taking time to visit old people in the hospital who have no family. I could go on and on with how we can and have expressed love to others, but the point I want to make from this entry is to just do it.
It’s been in my darkest hours that I have needed, and then received the love from a fellow human being. But it would have never happened if they hadn’t just done it! We need to take the initiative in this world to make it a better place, and what better way to do that then by showing love to others. And the best thing about love is that it is a universal language that we can all speak and communicate with one another.
I was having a really rough day recently with all of this transplant stuff catching up on my emotions, and I got a message from someone I never even knew. Telling me that it is by my struggle and my writing this blog that they have decided that they too were going to continue their fight against this stupid disease. Little did he know that I was having a really rotten day that day. When the universe calls, LISTEN!
What I am learning to do these days is to express love to those who show little to no love for me. It is very hard, and I am not saying that I am allowing myself to be a doormat. But I have learned from the wise that we cannot expect things from others that we first do not expect from ourselves. It’s like expecting someone to take a bath because they stink but yet we haven’t showered for the past year! It’s just that simple. And the thing about love is that it doesn’t have to be shown in lavish, expensive ways. It’s the little things that mean to most to most folks I believe. Holding the door for a stranger, even if he looks like a hard case. Buying someone Tim’s in the line ahead of you just because. It doesn’t have to be a million dollar mansion with a car included. Those are unrealistic ways in which we can change the world. But we can start by being nicer to each other by showing little acts of love.
Back in February, I had myself convinced that this was the end of my fight with CF. I thought my body had had enough and it was time to give up. Then the most amazing thing happened; love knocked on my door. Perry walked in as his oh-so-fabulous self as I lay in my bed, a whopping 117 pounds, curled up under a blanket looking as if there were only bones underneath. I hadn’t showered in probably three days and looks like something to be pitied. Well, we fell in love that day. At the end of that visit, he insisted on coming back to see me. And he did. The following weekend he spent the night in my hospital room. Cuddled into me, with no sexual intentions at all, just wanted to be there to hold me so I wasn’t alone. This soon became a regular thing and it’s unique that I can tell people I feel in love with Perry in a hospital. He visited me every weekend for the next two months. Never missed one. He’s been to every doctor’s appointment. Never missed one. And he is there for every bad day that I have these days. He never misses one.
I’ve never told anyone this until now, but I know in my heart and in my soul it was Perry’s love that kept me alive through this past sick period of my life. I do not doubt it one bit. The Power of Love can even save someone’s life and I believe it has. And the fact that that man is willing to jump on this train with me that is leading to God knows where, speaks not only for the type of person he is, but how much he loves me. I asked him recently I said, “Babe, why are you putting yourself through all this?” He said, “Jamie, no one deserves to be alone, and especially someone like you who has to go through so much. And besides, you keep forgetting, I’m the one who gets to see the ‘healthy’ you at the other side! And you know what babe, if something does go wrong and we don’t see eachother again after your surgery, I will know what it feels to truly love someone and be loved in return. Oh, and did I mention, YOUR WORTH IT!”
~ That’s the power of love.
I have experienced a lot of love in my life. None that I take for granted because it is too precious and is too dear to me to ever let go. But especially now that I have started on this new road to getting a double lung transplant. The response from complete strangers has been the most humbling thing I have experienced in my entire life. And it just keeps coming! I’m looking forward to continued love and support because I know it will be there, all around me.
I have also realized that not everyone is capable for showing this admirable trait. Some are to wounded by there own troubles and trials in life to extend that kind of feeling. So I know that there will be those that I will have to lose during this process and I will have to realize some harsh realities of who my true supporters and friends are. It’s a hard pill to swallow but one that I am learning to just accept and not get angry over. I need to save all my energies for what lies ahead, I need not worry and fret over what other people feel or say about me.
So the next time the opportunity is given where you have the chance to show someone love, regardless of what the form, just do it. You have no idea what it will mean to the receiver. And again, nothing fancy or elaborate….just love. We all have a beautiful reason for being here, or else this whole “life” business would be pretty pointless. So don’t fight with the universe when the call comes. Perry didn’t, and I am so eternal thankful for that!
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~Lao Tzu
Peace and Love,
Jamie Leigh Francis
To Perry.
“I know what love is” – Celine Dion
I was forgotten
Until you called my name
Lost in the shadows
Until you shined your light my way
Now I believe again
In all my dreams again
I'm wide eyed and innocent
Those doubting days
Are so far away and oh
I will fall
And you will catch me always
Time has taught me this
I will fly
And you'll be there to guide me
Straight up to my heart's highest wish
I feel you close to me
And I know what love is
Now there's no mountain
Too high for me to climb
No ocean so wide
That I could not reach the other side
Now I believe in me
Cause you live and breather in me
And nothing can come between
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/i-know-what-love-is-lyrics.html -]
We are one star
No nigh can darken, Oh
I will fall
And you will catch me always
Time has taught me this
I will fly
And you'll be there to guide me
Straight up to my heart's highest wish
I feel you close to me
And I know what love is
It's an unspoken thing
A quiet opening
There are no words that can go that deep
But I know
I know
I will fall
And you will catch me always
Time has taught me this
I will fly
And you'll be there to guide me
Straight up to my heart's highest wish
I feel you close to me
And I know what love is
